Jul28

Still Learning

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Still Learning

I moved to The United States almost 11 years ago. Sometimes I don’t understand people’s reactions toward some things I say–a comment or a joke. I still have a bit of an accent, even though I moved here a while ago. People don’t have any trouble understanding me at all, but sometimes they misinterpret the intention with which I say anything because of the intonation I use.

A clear example of this is at work. I moved from Florida to Washington D.C. about three months ago and started to work at Anthropologie. (Yeah, I know, really nice clothes). There are about 60 associates at the store and about eight managers. I get along great with pretty much everyone–we make fun of each other and just have fun at our job. But out of all the managers, I have had a hard time breaking the ice with her. There is a barrier between us, which I don’t understand how it got there. She is a nice person, and respectful to all and every employee. In fact, if I have something to discuss with her, she will make herself available to help me so that I can better serve our customers. Still at times is hard to communicate with her. I didn’t understand her indifference towards me sometimes, until I communicated this with one of my co-workers.

She told me that the manager had questioned my attitude at work. When I heard this I didn’t understand at all what she meant. I really enjoy my job, and even if it is only a part-time I always have a great time with the rest of the team, and I am up for helping whoever is new or needs a hand! I asked the person who shared this with me, if she had any idea why the manager had thought that, and she explained to me that even in the beginning it was hard for her to understand the intention with which I did or say some things.That sometimes when I spoke I would say things in a way that may have caused the manager to think I was unhappy or had the wrong attitude towards what I was doing.

I realized the same thing happened once while I was in college… I thought to myself–”again.”

That particular story in brief–I used to live with three American roommates when I was in college, and in the beginning one of them would unexpectedly snap at me and I didn’t understand why. I asked my other roommate, Troy, who is now one of my closest friends, to tell me what was wrong, because I didn’t really understand the other’s reaction. She told me that she might have understood what I said in a rude way. (I don’t remember what it was).

I realized that accents are a something special to deal with. I am making an extra effort to make anything I may say in English sound the way I mean it and come across in the intended way.

When I think back, it is not only me, but even I have misunderstood other people who speak a certain language as their second and remember taking what they say the wrong way. Ever since that experience with my roommate, I learned to ask twice about what they mean, if I have any doubts. At this point, learning to read body language and hearing so many languages and accents I can understand what they mean and if they mean well or not. But for those who have not been so exposed to foreign languages, as well as for those who speak in a second language on a daily basis and don’t realize that what they say may be misinterpreted, it is a two way street. If you want to be understood, you have to understand the other one first. It goes both ways.

As for my manager, I try to show her how much I actually enjoy my job. Little by little she has become more friendly with me, especially after seeing how the other managers and associates enjoy my company and work.

Mar9

Culture is part of learning a language

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Culture is part of learning a language
It was the middle of December and I was visiting Berlin for a week-long journalism conference and reunion to which I had been invited.  The day before it started, I decided to go with my Berlin friend to a small family-owned Thai restaurant nearby the Tempelhof Airport (which is closed down).
We sat at a two-person table, and next us was a middle-aged German woman with a sophisticated look. Along with her food she had ordered an orange juice, which had been sitting on her table the time she had taken to eat her meal – let’s say about 20 minutes. The server, a very nice Thai man, who spoke broken German got our order. But right before he left to put our order, the lady called his attention and asked him in a serious but wondering tone, raising the glass of the two-layer-like orange juice and pointing at it with her free hand, “Können Sie das erklären?” (can you explain this?). The way it sounded to me, an advanced-level German speaker, and to the waiter (I could tell by his concern and almost scared face) suggested an ill-tempered complaint. My jaw dropped and the waiter was so nervous and intimidated he barely found any words to explain. I felt so sorry for the waiter – it wasn’t his fault.
My German friend looked at us – foreigners – and smiled. In a friendly tone, she explained to the woman that any fruit juice that is made fresh and sits unstirred for a while will eventually separate into two layers. The pulp sinks to the bottom and the water rises to the top if it sits still for a while. The waiter hesitantly nodded his head. He was grateful that my friend had taken over what seemed to me as a clash. The woman thanked her, stirred the juice and gladly drank it.
At that moment I realized it is true that there is more to learning a language than what you learn in a classroom. Later that day I asked my friend if the lady’s tone of voice when asking the question was ill-intended and she answered no. She was just puzzled by the juice and was really just wondering what had happened. I explained to her how I had felt at the moment, and she reminded me of how Germans and the German language are simply straightforward. “We have a word for everything, and we actually consider it rude when someone is trying to flower something up.”
Sometimes they may come across as too honest. But for them it is more rude to try to seem nice and not mean it, than to be serious and honest about something you may not like.
Understanding a language goes beyond the words. Expressions, hand gestures and tones of voice mean different things depending on the culture. I learned that Germans are some of the nicest people I have ever encountered. They are always curious, open-minded and willing to help you if you need it.
For the purposes of this blog I am generalizing. But this educated generalization also comes from the great experience I had with all the people I encountered during the total of 10 months I lived in Berlin.